


i said i'd never go back there

by Olemonade



Category: T@gged (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, because i decided that that's their shipname, but focus is mainly on rowan, just late night thoughts, just my thoughts of what happens between any of the episodes after 3x06 and onwards or so, mentions of a lot of of other characters too, not canon divergence, railey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 19:10:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18452828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Olemonade/pseuds/Olemonade
Summary: rowan with thoughts at night and memories of who they used to be vs who they are now.(or, rowan misses hailey so she shoots her a text with lots of sad introspection before it)





	i said i'd never go back there

**Author's Note:**

> so, i am here to singlehandedly keep the rowan/hailey aka railey relationship alive, because apparently no one writes fanfic for them which is simply preposterous. anyway i finished t@gged last night and i wanna cry, because wow what the fuck that show got me fucked up in the end even if i didn't like it all that much. nicki deserved better, thanks for coming to my ted talk. hope u enjoy the fic n if u do, i wouldn't mind if u left a comment or a kudos! (:
> 
> title is from relapse - lia marie johnson

It had been weeks, although it felt more like a year since Hailey left and abandoned both Elisia and Rowan to the metaphorical wolves. Now they were just doing whatever they could to survive and get to the bottom of things, trying not to get killed in the meantime.

 

There was just so much going on though, Zoe being dead and finding out she was Dunbar’s cousin, then the mess with Jai and Tessa. More people just popping up and intertwining with everything was just too much and even with Stinger’s help it was so confusing trying to figure out what was happening. Then her relationship, friendship or whatever she had going on with Brandon wasn’t helping either.

 

It felt as if the world really had it out for Rowan and as she looked over the course of her life, she just couldn’t understand  _ why. _ She had always been a relatively good person, keeping to herself and while not the kindest to her mom and dad she had her reasons for it. Even with Dunbar, who Rowan still felt so much guilt over - everyone kept saying it had never really been her fault and that he did it to himself, but it was still hard to actually convince herself that. So maybe she did deserve it or maybe she didn’t. 

 

She watched through the window, already expectant of something to be staring at her, but only found the quiet stillness of the night, one that she so rarely got nowadays. She picked her phone up and pulled up her texts, mindlessly scrolling through it - trying not to drown in her own thoughts and clicked on Hailey’s name, drawn to it.

 

Rowan sighed, typing something out and burrowed deeper into her covers, thumb hovering over the send button of a text message to Hailey. She had sent so many texts already and every day it just became a longer list of unopened and unread messages that just slowly tore a bigger hole in her heart that opened up when Hailey had left without a goodbye. The least she could’ve done was leave a note or something.

 

She glanced over to her bedside table, eyes landing on the photograph of the two of them and smiled slightly. They looked so young and happy there, still completely innocent and unaware of the horrors that the world held for them. Rowan licked her lips, remembering their almost daily sleep-overs that slowly stopped after Hailey had fallen in with the popular crowd and left her, only a small semblance of their friendship left until the whole monkey man mess happened and their friendship became that much stronger - rekindled by the horrors that they had faced.

 

A sharp pain grew in her chest and Rowan inhaled deeply, trying to drown the thoughts of Hailey with air. More than anything, she wanted to rage and cry - scream at something, at Hailey for getting up and leaving them, leaving her. Be more like Elisia and just let it all out. She knew though, that it was for the better, because their lives were a mess and Hailey didn’t deserve to be ruined by that - not happy, kind Hailey. Rowan knew it from the moment when she automatically pushed her out of the way of the car that was going to drive them over and from the other countless moments before that where her first instinct was to protect Hailey.

 

It had always been Hailey.

 

Rowan would do anything for her and if that meant leaving her be so that Hailey was safe, then she could do that. Even if it would hurt like hell and she would miss her so, so much - she would bear the pain and loss. She’d keep Elisia safe too and they’d fix this whole mess so that Hailey could come back and be happy, or at least that’s what she kept telling herself, wholeheartedly trying to convince her brain that everything was going to work out fine.

 

Her eyes moved back to the phone in her hands and saw the dimming glow of it, signifying it was about to lock. Rowan’s thumb automatically moved and the message was sent, piling on to the long list of texts before it. She put the phone back on the bedside table and looked up, wishing that somehow, somewhere in Chicago Hailey was thinking of her too.

 

With the absence of emails or messages from Hailey other than that one when she told them about Chicago, Rowan began to miss their old messages a lot. The times when they would stay up to talk to each other till 4am and even when they were together, having a sleepover and just sending memes to each other only a few centimetres apart. Those were the best days of her life and it scared her to think that they would probably never happen again.

 

There was one specific moment that Rowan remembered so vividly, she could almost reenact the whole scene, but years ago when Hailey was still Hailey, Rowan’s best friend and Rowan was still Rowan, Hailey’s best friend and it was just them against the world. They had laid together in bed and talked about everything and nothing, their futures and how they promised each other they would always be together, never really far apart. It brought tears to her eyes now, thinking of that as it seemed that they had been wrong - everything was bound to break someday, even promises in the night bound by quiet whispers of “Forever?” and “Always.”.

 

The last thought that crossed her mind before she fell asleep was how good it would feel if Hailey was right there next to her just one more time, because at least then - everything would feel right.

  
  


 

Somewhere across the country, a blonde girl laid similarly under the covers bundled up and read the notification that had popped up over and over again, the words resounding in her head of someone whose voice she craved so much.

 

_ i miss you. _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> follow me on:  
> tumblr - olemonade  
> twitter - ol3monade


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